It's become something of a tradition for me that I rewatch Star Wars for my birthday, which is in early December. If you've ever heard me talk about Star Wars, I have a...complicated relationship with the franchise as a whole (maybe I'll do a big post about that later).

In short, I've had to become selective of my Star War Experience, mostly to defend my sanity from shitty storytelling choices.

So as a result, this year, the rewatch got...conceptual.

1. Casablanca (1942, dir. Michael Curtiz) Blu-Ray

I opted to start with Casablanca partly because it was the day after the 2024 election (and I'm not sure how much more on that I need to say).

I've held for a long time that Luke Skywalker's arc in The Last Jedi is more or less exaxtly that of Rick in Casablanca; a burnt out former rebel who has hidden away from conflict and politics, ruined by a relationship falling apart (a romantic one with Rick and Ilsa, an avuncular example with Luke and Kylo).

Otherwise, this film was made during the second world war, about people reconnecting and rekindling thier rebellion against an overwhelming, increasingly global facist regime. To say it's one of the greatest and most important movies of all time is honestly selling it short; Casablanca RULES. Whip-smart dialog, breakneck pacing, economic storytelling, THE SOUNDTRACK ALONE...

And that's to say nothing of the weird, 1942-audience friendly bisexual polycule built out of the four leads!

2. The Magnificent Seven (1960, dir. John Sturges) Blu-Ray

I have this bad habit of not really wanting to watch anything new when I'm alone; I end up seeking comfort in the familiar (I'm writing a blog post about a Star Wars rewatch that's already two movies deep and as of yet contains no Star Wars). As a result, I have many, MANY wild blind spots in my pop culture knowledge base, which has shamed me in many nerd circles over the years (the trick is to stop giving a shit, I cannot explain nor defend how I intersect with pop culture).

So! Star Wars (1977) has deep roots in westerns, and honestly I was going to watch Seven Samurai (1954) first, but I've not seen either of these two, I might as well watch the one that's in english (and a good deal shorter) so I get a better grip on the story first.

That said! This movie is fucking brilliant. Economic storytelling and character establishment, most of the cast is hot as hell (lotta daddy energy from Yul Brenner), the dialog slaps and the theme song is unimpeachable (Personal Trainer Tip: Add The Magnificent Seven Theme by Elmer Bernstein to your workout playlist). Fucking watch this movie.

3. Seven Samurai (1954, dir. Akira Kurosawa) Criterion Blu-Ray

Leading with Mifune’s thighs is a bold move

Having done my homework with the Magnificents, I finally cracked open a beautiful blu-ray copy of Seven Samurai, directed by the man who was made famous for my generation by the Barenaked Ladies (ask your depressed stoner aunt who remembers the 90s).

I know a weird amout about postwar Japan, thanks to my obsession with another Japanese titan (lol) of cinema that came out in 1954, which is Godzilla (1954), so Seven Samurai (1954) was always kind of floating around in the back of my head.

Also...the run time. This movie is goddamned TWO HUNDRED AND SEVEN MINUTES LONG. That's three and three quarters of an hour! That's nearly four fucking hours! That's including a five minute intermission! Bring back intermissions in fucking long movies! I know I'm at home and can just pause the damn thing whenever, but oh my god!

Fucking worth it, though. I feel a full Kurosawa Catalog watchthrough coming on, because this movie was goddamned CAPTIVATING (even if i did break it up over three nights). Same damn plot as the Magnificent Seven (seven guys hired to defend poor farming villiage from bandits), but the extra two hours runtime really gave the characters time to breathe and stretch, and my god did I love seeing these actors play these characters...

Takashi Shimura: I'm not that knowledgeable about (non-hollywood based) actors of this era, so Shimura was completely out of left field for me. He plays the leader of the Seven (samurai), and as a veteran ronin, Shimura is, dare I say it, EXACTLY the kind of Daddy energy I'm into, Shimura makes my Daddy Mount Rushmore, right next to Bill Pullman in Independence Day (1996).

Toshirô Mifune already has a following on tumblr (a very THIRSTY following), and he steals every scene he's in. A drunk wannabe samurai with no name or titles to call his own, he also spends the vast majority of his screentime without pants on. 10/10, perfect masterpiece.

This counts as a thirst trap, but he’s not a daddy yet.

4. Rogue One: A Star Wars Story (2016, dir. Gareth Edwards) Ultra HD 4K Disc

Four movies deep and we've finally hit a Star War! I generally can't stand prequels, but this is the exception to the rule. It's also Bex's favorite Star War, which I will be more than happy to have them explain at some later date.

Because I ostensibly named myself after Star Wars, I could turn every mention of "hope" in the series into a drinking game. It would kill me inside of twenty minutes, but still!

5. The Fifth Element (1997, dir. Luc Besson) Ultra HD 4K Steelbook Disc

This is specifically the artwork from the 4k steelbook, which is dope as hell

After four fairly heavy hitting dramas (more or less), I needed some damn levity, and Fifth Element delivers in spades. "But Hope," I hear you cry, "Surely this is a Star Wars rewatch, you're five movies in and have only covered one Star War!" to which I say TRUST THE PROCESS! I first saw Star Wars in theaters in 1997, which of course were the "Special Edition" re-releases, featuring absolutely dogshit CGI! You know what has amazing PRACTICAL effects? Fifth Element!

Not to mention everybody is hot in this movie. Milla Jovovitch, Bruce Willis, Chris Tucker, Ian Holm...even Gary Oldman is hot in this movie. The movie seems to be actively fighting against everything hot about Willis especially, and dresses him like he was shot out of a canon backwards through a discount music festival and he MAKES IT WORK.

Balding AND bleached? In orange???? Sure, sign me up for daddy #3.

6. The Hidden Fortress (1958, dir. Akira Kurosawa) Criterion Blu-Ray

We stan the Criterion Collection in this house

Before I get into Star War(s) properly, I might as well start with the movie that George Lucas wholly ripped off! Like for real, almost beat for beat, but with samurai and Toshirô Mifune instead of space wizards and Harrison Ford.

I had never seen this before and wasn't sure what to expect, but my god. My god. This film is gonna go into my regular rotation for SURE, you can so easily map the entirety of the original Star War onto this movie almost beat for beat, starting with two people at the bottom of society (Minoru Chiaki and Kamatari Fujiwara instead of R2-D2 and C-3P0) accidentally teaming up with a jedi kight general (Mifune) and a displaced badass princess (Misa Uehara) and by the end they've blown up a space station restore the princess to the throne.

I cannot properly explain how fucking funny this shot is. Also, Mifune (right) makes the daddy list, bringing the count to 4.

This movie kicks ass.

7. Star Wars (1977, dir. George Lucas) Despecialized Edition Blu-Ray

Hey, we made it to Star Wars, seven movies in to my Star Wars rewatch! Not much to say about this movie (it deserves its own blog post eventually) besides that it's a strong foundation to the whole of my personality, and 100% where I stole my name from.

Despecialized Or Die. Miss me with that cgi special edition maclunkey horseshit.

8. Star Wars: The Empire Strikes Back (1980, dir. Irvin Kershner) Despecialized Edition Blu-Ray

Fun fact! Everyone in this movie is hot.

Everything about this movie rules. The colors range from the stark whites of Hoth to the wild blues and oranges of the carbonite chamber, we get Mark Hamil lookin like a certified snack, we have the INSANE sexual chemistry of Carrie Fisher and Harrison Ford, some of the most spectacular optical effects (again: NOT computer generated) ever commited to film, the sheer insanity of The Asteroid Field, and not to mention John Williams going OFF THE CHAIN...

Go, Johnny, Go!

10/10, no notes.

9. The Matrix (1999, dir. The Wachowski Sisters) Ultra HD 4K Steelbook Disc

Ella agrees with me: fuck Return of the Jedi, let's watch a movie that's actually GOOD, we're operating on VIBES here.

I've talked about this movie at length, (Hi, Ella!) and I plan to continue to do so.

10. Star Wars: The Force Awakens (2015, dir. J.J. Abrams) Ultra HD 4K Steelbook Disc

Hot Take: This is a fun movie! It has to re-establish the vibes of the original Star Wars, introduce the world to new viewers, establish new characters, re-establish old characters, and still somehow manages to be damn watchable. Points off for making another goddamn Death Star (STOP MAKING DEATH STARS, WE'VE SEEN THEM A LOT ALREADY), but it's all kinda worth it for that lightsaber fake-out with Rey, and that final duel in the snow.

11. Star Wars: The Last Jedi (2017, dir. Rian Johnson) Ultra HD 4K Steelbook Disc

Rose should be WAY bigger on this poster

This is hands down my favorite Star War. I'll write some sort of huge massive mega-post about it one day, but everything about this movie is everything I've ever wanted out of this franchise. From an embittered old Luke Skywalker chucking the lightsaber over his shoulder to Broom Boy looking up to the stars, I cry every time I watch this film.

Rose is the best character in any star war, FIGHT ME

And, as we all know, after Carrie Fisher passed, they opted to NEVER MAKE ANOTHER STAR WAR, becasue making another Star War and using Cats (2019) level CGI to simulate a performance by her taken from deleted scenes of a different movie would be a grand insult to life itself.

Miyazaki was talking to JJ Abrams here (probably)

So that's the end of Star Wars. BUT...

12. The Matrix Resurrections (2021, Dir. Lana Wachowski) Ultra HD 4k Steelbook Disc

We're not done yet! Just as Luke Skywalker was the hero of my childhood, Neo and Trinity were the heroes of my adolesence, and to have one of the original creators of the franchise, who is a trans woman, return 18 years after the much maligned Reloaded and Revolutions (ASATO MA SAD GOMAYA) and make ANOTHER movie that feels hardwired directly into my brain....The Matrix Resurrections is everything to me. It plays into the tropes of Legasequels, it toys with the devisive misreadings of the franchise, and boy howdy does it piss off dipshits.

Daddy 6 and bonus Mommy, lets fuckin goooo

So that was my 2024 Star Wars Rewatch. What will my 2025 rewatch include? Who can truly say, I’m making this up as I go and I don’t give a damn about canon! It’s not real and it can’t hurt you! You too can be free!

The Great Star Wars Rewatch